Under Spells…

A few things.  Still pining after Jacques.  Starting to feel a little uneasy about putting myself out there like I have.  However, also reminding myself that we are each living at our own pace and he needs time to figure out if US is what he wants.  All fingers crossed that he soon realize we could be Bonnie and Clyde, Ginger and the Captain, Borris and Natasha, Lady and the Tramp..you get the idea.  Good match up!

The whole under my spell thing is unfortunately not because he is deeply under mine, but rather 2 parts to this.  1.  I met a guy out on Saturday while day-drinking celebrating the good old memory of St Patrick, that when we locked eyes, I have NEVER felt like that.  It was like crazy lighting bolts of electricity and energy.  You could hear the static between us, sounded like the noise the big transformers make….or maybe that was the dull roar of the other day-drinkers or swanky Irish band releasing there sexy voices into the air that made my feet do a constant gig all day (also perhaps why I could barely move Sunday). Anyway the guy…beautiful specimen.  Tall, blonde, boyish grin, deep smiling eyes and he was in to me. Big time.  It was effing straight out of a movie…until he looked like he was going to kiss me after staring at one another for what felt like 5 minutes and said “Wow, I don’t know you but I like you, alot…but I am married”.   Arrrggggggggg!  Are you shitting me.  Seriously.  AAAAAAnd he was a firefighter.  Just my luck- however maybe it was the universe giving me a little smile and some confidence while also keeping me open and available for something better to come along…ahem, like Jacques.  Hear that Universe/God/Energy?  I see you master plan and I approve of it, just make it happen already!

The next part to be under a spell is I am going to undergo some hypnosis.  I have called and got the deets on what it involves and how much he is going to steal outta my pocket.  BTW, only going to consider it thievery if it doesn’t work.  What am I going for…to reduce the boozin’.  I don’t think I need to or want to or can quit.  I am NOT a quitter.  He said that he works to have your subconscious reveal what it thinks it is getting out of continuing to drink even after my body has already shown symptoms of a wee-too-much.  This is exactly what I want.  My switch to go off after 3 drinks and me to realize, hey, I feel groovy no need to cross that threshold into the other side.  He said that is exactly what he does and he thinks only 1-2 sessions.  He was good with his words so perhaps.  I  figure, might as well.  I can (barely) afford to lose the $300-450 it might take to keep me sane and keep my relationships happy and me feeling A-ok.  So now I am staring at the phone, yes even while I type, praying for it to vibrate with either “Jacques” on the screen saying he is ready to give us a real chance and he loves me so much and we should both play hooky today and go drive to the ocean and make love OR the hypnodrunkcurer.  I am guessing the hypno is going to call first. 

However, I did pray last night, for the first time like ever, and it felt good.  Maybe the BMOC heard me, maybe he was like “holy smokes!  She does talk!” and will take pity or at least shed some of that all-giving love down and give me a sign whether I should even be pursuing this or not.  Oh life, you are so convoluted and beautiful.  I just wish your lessons were a bit more straight forward.  Or are they and it ‘tis me that can make the mountain out of the mole hill?  Eh, let’s not point fingers just yet, and I will be patient and try to figure out what ever the hell you are trying to teach me.

x

h

OTW

This stands for off the wagon.

Last week was actually a fantastic week for me. Only had 3 drinks cumulatively over the entire 5 days that makes up the work week.  Felt good.  Lots of yoga.  Lots of love to the body. Wrote Jacques a long heart felt letter, did not get 100% the response that I put out to the universe to receive but I did it, I took a risk in love.  I told him I loved him and that life is too short to not go over what you want.  And right now, I want him. I want us, and I want what we could be.

However, I also went out on a date with the film dude I made out with last Saturday.  I like him.  Not sure I like him in a romantic way but did enjoy the 2 hours sitting, laughing (drinking) and talking. 

Last night wasn’t that I was waaaaaay off the wagon but rather that I had been good all. week. long. and went out with a bunch of friends and had a friggin’ blast!  Laughed, danced, gigged (yes, it ‘till St Paddy’s Weekend after all!) felt confidant and had a great hair day.  Oh and the cheetah pants on.  I mean, can you not have a fantastic night with a good hair day, great friends, dancing and cheetah pants?  I wish I could be on of those peeps that goes out, has 3-4 drinks on a cray cray night and wakes up looking (and feeling) decent.  Someday, and someday soon I am going to effing find that switch and flip it off.  You know, that switch that auto-goes-on like a breaker does when it dies and tells my brain to have another. And another. And another. 

By this definition I am ok:

 

By this one….well, maybe we should elaborate:

Via Wiki:  Alcoholism is a broad term for problems with alcohol, and is generally used to mean compulsive and uncontrolled consumption of alcoholic beverages, usually to the detriment of the drinker's health, personal relationships, and social standing.

cumpulsive- yes.  uncontrolled?  Maybe- really it is that effing 3rd drink that says, “have another you lush”.  Detriment of heath- probably, detriment of personal relationships- 1 reason why I had to write Jacques. Detriment of social standing- nope.  Just found this also on the interwebs…King Alcohol.  made me giggle.  Speaking of, my bidness partner is going to pick us up mimosas right now and then we are going to rearrange the shop…oh shiza.  I am sure today is going to turn into a shit show…will keep you posted.

Texting was invented for a reason....

So just a little tiny rant about dating...I truly loathe talking on the phone.  I am awkward at it.  I think it sucks.  I always talk at the same time as the other person and did I say I loathe it.   

Tall guy from last Saturday keeps calling...and I keep texting back. At what point don't you get the hint.  I mean, yes, I should be the grown up that I am aiming to be and pick up the phone but I get all icked out and just don't want to do it.  I finally told him the truth..via text, that if I talk on the phone I break out in hives and potentially could go in to anaphylactic shock (funny, word tried to auto-correct anaphylactic to anticlimactic, hmmm).  He then understood.   

He also wants to take me to dinner.  A full blown meal.  Can't we just grab a few drinks, feel it out and then decide if we are worth consuming food together?  I thought he would be all for this seeing as when I hungoverly googled and facebooked him the next day (yes- I also broke what I think is another rule...I flat out asked him for his last name so I could google him) and the first image that came up was a mug shot from a DUI last year.  I am not judging just laughing...he he he he he.

To summarize- Don't call, just text and certainly don't call back a text. Also if someone keeps suggesting drinks don't keep pushing long meals at fancy places.  Gimme my wine and let me think about ordering the shortbreads....

That is all.

h

Kissy Kissy

Oh geeze.  Where to start.  Here is a brief synapses of what has gone on in the last few days:

Saddle:  Met a boy out Saturday night at a local pub and had my swagger on and ended up making out with him.  Also met up with an ex (let's call him Jacques  today and had lunch...and then ended up having sex.  You know, naturally- quinoa salad for lunch on a Sunday then a little dessert.  Oops.  However, that is 2 kisses and 1 encounter for a weekend...not too bad.  Now the question...what happens with Jacques.  I am trying to figure out if I miss HIM or the IDEA of him.  Tough question.  He and I could be such an amazing team...this one is going to be an interesting road.  Today was sooooo nice with him, and would have been even nicer if his name was really Jacques. That would be hot(er).

Wagon: Ha.  Friday had 4 drinks...Saturday Craig and I met up at for a beer at 4 which turned into 3 beers and then dinner at my house with a bottle of wine ...and then to Prost where I met said make out session above and then to dig-a-pony where the make out session continued.  Ouch.  Hurting this morning for sure!

W&F: Volunteered at Oregon Food Bank- felt good!

Inspirational image for a little boost for a Sunday evening... I would LOVE to paint this little guy.  In fact, maybe this will be the first one I tackle when I get my paint space up and going soon.  

The Old, The Young, and The Restless

AHHHHHH!  Just had a killer post done and *Whap*  I did a blonde idiot on crack with no hope kinda move and did a little Ctrl X on something else and Ctrl V and arg….lost it all.  Damn hair color.
And it was long.  Of course.  And it was funny.  Of Courser.
Here is the jist:
Got back from a trip.  My Amma is awesome.  Pics to prove it- because always being this fly is hard and she does it damn good, especially for a 94 year old!

Next was a long funny witty blurb about my amazing new niece, Miss Scarlett Francis Baney.  She is AMAZING!  Seriously most beautiful baby ever created ever ever ever.

             

Last bit was a warming that April 19th me and two amazing gal pals are hitting the open ocean on a Western Caribbean Cruise.  Snap! It is going to be reDONKulous.  Stay tunned.

That being said, 11 ell-bees…time to hit the road!  No more eating for 7 week…that’s totally do-able.

Saddle- No horses to ride….prospects, yes, shall keep you posted and informed in this area for shiz.

Wagon- I have been a good girl!  Not including the plethora's of wine with the cousins (everyone knows that doesn’t count) or the imperial pint I slammed while getting on the plane yesterday…it was a form of sedative. Duh.

Warm and Fuzzy: Holding the pat of butter AKA Scarlett- so yummmy!

xx

h

W(h)iner.

Wine.  Whine.  Wine.  Whine.  I love and hate that the same word spelled differently goes so well together. First part of this installation is about wagons.  Wine is such a beautiful thing.  Delicate but big.  Flavor and texture.  Can be celebrated alone or with others.  Can be a celebration all in itself (being from a family that owns and operates a vineyard and winery this is very true).    It can be a source of relaxing, remembering or forgetting.  Well... recently I am not afraid to admit that there might be a wee too much wine in my life coping for the whining.  

First time I was hit by that was after the holidays.  I was slightly pickled...and foggy. And a foggy pickle ain't that cute.  I don't think that it ended a relationship that was already perhaps on its last leg but it sure as to hell did not make it all warm and fuzzy.  The second time was after my bday- wow.  I took a few weeks of attempting the "7" drinks per week and no more than 3 in a given setting and succeeded for about 1 week.  High five!  Then the bday weekend hit and it hit hard (and fun though!).  Another thing that hit was that it was the 10 year anniversary of my 21st bday which means--- well, that I am NOT 21 any more and the bounce back is not so much a bounce as it is a slow crawl of death that usually takes me from my bed to the floor to the sofa to the kitchen back to the sofa to the kitchen (repeat 4-5x per day.)  

The other part of this little equation is the post drinking sad face days.  What?!!? I never had that shit before but it is real and books do not make it up.  So that being said...I am going to get some perspective back in my life on what is appropriate and what is not.  A glass or two should be just fine.  And if I feel it's not- I should probably get off my buzzed ass and pick up a paint brush, get on the Saddles & Wagons, or maybe just take Kdog for a walk.  I don't wanna sound like a crazy alcoholic binger, because that is only sometimes.  Rather I need a little reminder that when something is on my mind, whether that something is positive or negative, I shall not turn to the burying device of whining then wine-ing but rather something else.  

Sometimes realizing it is half the battle. 

So that is my Wagon share for today.  No saddles to talk about.   Nor a warm and fuzzy so going to try to work on those two things....saddles and W&F!

xx

h 

My Wagons Broken, but That's Ok.

Whelp did it.  Date #1.  On Valentines day.  And I survived!

What it comes down to is I am a conundrum between knowing what I want and am worth and thinking I can fix everyone and being too insecure.  Any other ladies?  I canNOT be the only one.

He was nice.  Tall.  Shaved (the first time I met him, slightly...ok very, ineberated) he had a beard like a billy goat..scratch that, he looked like a mountain main that was in the midst of eating a billy goat.  Tall and hairy.  He took me to a wonderful restaurant in downtown and we feasted and drank like kings and queens.  At the end of the night no kiss from me.  A few things and I am not trying to be knit-picky however these are things that at no given time do I want to adore or ever be around for a long periods of time. 1.  A man that talks about his weight and diet like a girl.  2.  A man that always sounds like the 4 year old snotty nosed kid...not being a brat but literally like there is a cough or sneeze coming on any given minute and he may or may not cover his mouth.  This also has a cousin symptom that sounds like peanut butter is in their throat.  I am also trying to cut back on Peanut Butter- cause I am a girl and can talk about my weight and diet!

All in all, fun, giggled authentically, had a good time, and may have found an occasional type of friend. I still get a high five for going and he gets one for the great restaurant and being a really  nice guy.

On to the wagon notes....totes off it.  That whole 7 drinks a week and no more than 3 in a day is bull shit.  Well, maybe not bull but for moi on my birthday weekend it is more like a someecard that everyone laughs at instead of  health guideline.  Going to crawl....slowly...towards the wagon again.  Got a sister in town as well so we have been partaking in some adult beverages and will tonight as well so you know...I will start it tomorrow- ha!  Like that has neeeeeever been said before.

One more little pat on my back after ripping my drinking apart...today at Safeway I was leaving after treating myself to some Green Tea Roses (and batteries...do with that what you'd like) and before I walked over to Sisters Coffee to do the whole "I am in workout clothes and have not sweated yet and I have on lip gloss and my hair is in a perfect high pony and maybe there will be a super hot super single and super attentive gentleman sitting drinking coffee (americano preferred) and have a seat open next to me and wave me over...." move, there was an older gentleman outside, homeless, hungry and cold.  I asked him if he'd like anything and he said that he and his wife were thirsty and cold.  I took my high pony back into Safeway, got them a triple hot chocolate and 2 breakfast sausage burritos and some water.  He was so happy and so thankful.  Felt pretty damn good on my part too.

So to summerize:
Saddle:  Did the date. Still happy and single.
Wagon: Nope.  Not close but some time with Amma coming up will be a good detox.
Warm and Fuzzy: Fed a man and his wife
Overall: Life is fucking grand!

xx
h