W(h)iner.

Wine.  Whine.  Wine.  Whine.  I love and hate that the same word spelled differently goes so well together. First part of this installation is about wagons.  Wine is such a beautiful thing.  Delicate but big.  Flavor and texture.  Can be celebrated alone or with others.  Can be a celebration all in itself (being from a family that owns and operates a vineyard and winery this is very true).    It can be a source of relaxing, remembering or forgetting.  Well... recently I am not afraid to admit that there might be a wee too much wine in my life coping for the whining.  

First time I was hit by that was after the holidays.  I was slightly pickled...and foggy. And a foggy pickle ain't that cute.  I don't think that it ended a relationship that was already perhaps on its last leg but it sure as to hell did not make it all warm and fuzzy.  The second time was after my bday- wow.  I took a few weeks of attempting the "7" drinks per week and no more than 3 in a given setting and succeeded for about 1 week.  High five!  Then the bday weekend hit and it hit hard (and fun though!).  Another thing that hit was that it was the 10 year anniversary of my 21st bday which means--- well, that I am NOT 21 any more and the bounce back is not so much a bounce as it is a slow crawl of death that usually takes me from my bed to the floor to the sofa to the kitchen back to the sofa to the kitchen (repeat 4-5x per day.)  

The other part of this little equation is the post drinking sad face days.  What?!!? I never had that shit before but it is real and books do not make it up.  So that being said...I am going to get some perspective back in my life on what is appropriate and what is not.  A glass or two should be just fine.  And if I feel it's not- I should probably get off my buzzed ass and pick up a paint brush, get on the Saddles & Wagons, or maybe just take Kdog for a walk.  I don't wanna sound like a crazy alcoholic binger, because that is only sometimes.  Rather I need a little reminder that when something is on my mind, whether that something is positive or negative, I shall not turn to the burying device of whining then wine-ing but rather something else.  

Sometimes realizing it is half the battle. 

So that is my Wagon share for today.  No saddles to talk about.   Nor a warm and fuzzy so going to try to work on those two things....saddles and W&F!

xx

h 

My Wagons Broken, but That's Ok.

Whelp did it.  Date #1.  On Valentines day.  And I survived!

What it comes down to is I am a conundrum between knowing what I want and am worth and thinking I can fix everyone and being too insecure.  Any other ladies?  I canNOT be the only one.

He was nice.  Tall.  Shaved (the first time I met him, slightly...ok very, ineberated) he had a beard like a billy goat..scratch that, he looked like a mountain main that was in the midst of eating a billy goat.  Tall and hairy.  He took me to a wonderful restaurant in downtown and we feasted and drank like kings and queens.  At the end of the night no kiss from me.  A few things and I am not trying to be knit-picky however these are things that at no given time do I want to adore or ever be around for a long periods of time. 1.  A man that talks about his weight and diet like a girl.  2.  A man that always sounds like the 4 year old snotty nosed kid...not being a brat but literally like there is a cough or sneeze coming on any given minute and he may or may not cover his mouth.  This also has a cousin symptom that sounds like peanut butter is in their throat.  I am also trying to cut back on Peanut Butter- cause I am a girl and can talk about my weight and diet!

All in all, fun, giggled authentically, had a good time, and may have found an occasional type of friend. I still get a high five for going and he gets one for the great restaurant and being a really  nice guy.

On to the wagon notes....totes off it.  That whole 7 drinks a week and no more than 3 in a day is bull shit.  Well, maybe not bull but for moi on my birthday weekend it is more like a someecard that everyone laughs at instead of  health guideline.  Going to crawl....slowly...towards the wagon again.  Got a sister in town as well so we have been partaking in some adult beverages and will tonight as well so you know...I will start it tomorrow- ha!  Like that has neeeeeever been said before.

One more little pat on my back after ripping my drinking apart...today at Safeway I was leaving after treating myself to some Green Tea Roses (and batteries...do with that what you'd like) and before I walked over to Sisters Coffee to do the whole "I am in workout clothes and have not sweated yet and I have on lip gloss and my hair is in a perfect high pony and maybe there will be a super hot super single and super attentive gentleman sitting drinking coffee (americano preferred) and have a seat open next to me and wave me over...." move, there was an older gentleman outside, homeless, hungry and cold.  I asked him if he'd like anything and he said that he and his wife were thirsty and cold.  I took my high pony back into Safeway, got them a triple hot chocolate and 2 breakfast sausage burritos and some water.  He was so happy and so thankful.  Felt pretty damn good on my part too.

So to summerize:
Saddle:  Did the date. Still happy and single.
Wagon: Nope.  Not close but some time with Amma coming up will be a good detox.
Warm and Fuzzy: Fed a man and his wife
Overall: Life is fucking grand!

xx
h